As many of you know, April is Child Abuse Awareness month. I was invited by Ms. Ayers, my publisher, to guest blog this month for Purple Butterfly Pages. This invitation comes, unfortunately, because I have a long history with the cause for this month. My husband and I were foster parents for fifteen years to over sixty children, ages ranging from newborn to 17-years-old.
Our home was a safe haven for over sixty children throughout the years. Over three dozen pre-teen and teenagers came through our door. These were not orphans without parents or family. These were children without a safe environment with either family or family friend.
Can you imagine not feeling safe -physically or mentally- in your own parents’ home or any of your extended family’s home either? Can you think of a time when your parent or parents chose to buy alcohol or drugs instead of buying you food? Or a time when your mother offered your eight-year-old body to a stranger in exchange for some drugs for herself? Can you imagine going to school wearing the same filthy clothes for weeks, or without eating any food since leaving school the day before, having to hide the bruises or cuts left on you from the beating the night before? Can you imagine being nine-years-old and dreading the night because you knew what would happen when your Daddy, Uncle, or brother would come to tuck you in at bedtime? Can you imagine- instead of playing tag outside with your friends, you play skating by sliding across the empty vials and syringes scattered so thickly over your living room floor? Can you imagine being five-years-old and rolling marijuana joints for your parent and hoping it will get you that one chance at a word of praise?
In the latter years of our foster parent journey, we took special training and were educated so that we could open our homes to medically fragile and/or drug addicted infants. There were very few homes educated or equipped to handle the special needs of these babies, yet the demand for such homes was great. Sadly, our home was needed for over twenty of these such abused babies. Taking drugs and/or drinking alcohol while pregnant is child abuse. That is not up for discussion or debate. We have witnessed the results first hand and can attest to the reality of the facts. I have held too many babies in my arms as they screamed, not cried- a shrill anguished scream, as they suffered in physical pain for hours, for days, for weeks, and for months. Our family (thank goodness for being a large family) took turns, in two hour shifts, walking the floors day in and day out, sun up to sun rise, trying to soothe and comfort each baby. With each and every drug-addicted baby born there are physical therapies, occupational therapies, speech therapies, massage therapies, orthopedic therapies, neurological therapies, and gastrointestinal therapies. There are babies so addicted to crack or cocaine that they cannot relax or sleep. By ‘not relaxing’, I mean that their muscles are so tight/tense that their bodies are in a tight ball and cannot stretch their legs and arms-that trying to change a diaper can break their leg and so you have to take the time to relax each leg and hip muscle just to move it which can take twenty to thirty minutes each time! Their skin is so sensitive to touch that even the softest of material hurts them. Then there are barbiturate addicted babies that are so relaxed that they forget to breath and their hearts ‘forget’ to beat. Those babies have to wear monitors twenty-four hours a day. When the monitor alerts you, you have jump and scramble to stimulate them immediately or that baby will die!
Every single child that entered our home through the foster system suffered from the lack of love and the abundance of fear. We have had two-year-olds that come into our home and not know how to be hugged or how to hug. We know the healing power of a loving hug and of the healthy appropriate human touch, but these children do not. We have had too many children, even as young as four-years-old, that would steal food and hide it under their pillow, in the back of a drawer or closet, or even bury it. They would not eat it, but hoard it. For you see, they had known hunger. True hunger. They fear the day when our bountiful table will no longer be before them. They do not understand that they are stealing or that the food will spoil. All they know is that they have been hungry too many times before and may be hungry again. We have had helpless infants come into our home that were extremely under weight due to not being fed. Can you imagine not feeding your crying begging helpless infant simply because you wanted to get high? or because your boyfriend wanted your attention instead? or because you just did not care enough to feed him or her? Can you comprehend any of those levels of hunger- physical hunger and the emotional hunger?
These are just a few life experiences that we heard or witnessed from the children that came into our home through the social services system of our local communities. These are not one-in-a-million-Lifetime-movie scenarios. These are the realities that are occurring every single minute of every single day in every single city in our own country. The United States of America. Well, America, we need to all unite and protect our children. Our country’s future is its children.
As citizen of this world, we need to make ourselves aware of all children. You must start by being educated. Find your local child abuse center, such as our local Power House for Kids, and contact them about community child abuse awareness classes. If your small town does not offer this type of class, then help organize a class through a larger town’s resources. If you suspect abuse of any form, then get involved. Report any suspension to your local authorities. Also, if you see a pregnant woman abusing herself, then contact authorities for the unborn child’s sake as well as the mother’s. We should encourage the education about the damage of intrauterine exposure to drugs and alcohol to our teens as well as prenatal classes through our free health clinic and welfare systems. Sex education classes, as well as prenatal courses, need to include the facts about all the harm abusing the mother’s body can do to the unborn babies. As school teachers, Sunday school teachers, babysitters, community workers, church leaders, neighbors, aunts, cousins, nurses, doctors, waitresses, customer service workers, policemen and women, firemen and women, attorneys, ministers, writers, readers, coaches, athletes, EVERYONE- we all need to stop the abuse. We must shed light onto this dark subject. Nothing can be fixed if you do not know it is broken. So make yourself and those around you aware of the signs of abuse. Listen for the words AND watch for the actions and reactions of the children as well as the abusers so that we can stop the abuse and start protecting our world’s future.
I believe that no child should feel unloved or unwanted. I have made it my passion that any and every child I ever encounter will feel loved and appreciated even if it is for a fleeting encounter. One never knows what a kind loving word could mean to child. Make a difference, whether big or small, with each child you meet, you pass, or with whom the opportunity to interact occurs.
Every child deserves to be loved. Show them love....
Stop the abuse.
- Stephanie Townsend Ayers, author
